Dear bearded man,
The first time I saw you, I wondered why I had been dating boys my whole life. You make me feel primal. You might be just twenty something, but your beard makes you years wiser and more mature than you actually are, simultaneously deceiving and arousing me. Theres something that makes us lust in a caveman sort of way. You are more man than boy, and this face fluff proves it. Something about that beard demands respect, and I want to give it to you. But something else about it says that it demands respect for the owners woman, and that makes me swoon.
You make men like harry styles laughable. If we break up with you, we will never be able to look at a shaved face the same way again. Where Leo Decaprios boyish charm in the Titanic used to be what tickled my fancy, now because of you Im attracted to most of the cast in Sons of Anarchy. You look so sexy rocking the rough and rustic look, but in a suit, you have the presence of a diplomat, commanding the room and all of its attention.
But there are some hairy little speed-bumps along the way, that I forgive you for, in lieu of your angelic face fur. For instance, people will think that a little animal lives in your house. You bearded men shed a lot, so this is what us ladies get in exchange for the dreamy payoff. Actually, people might think a little animal lives in your beard because it so tenderly catches all the little drops and crumbs, that would otherwise fall on your lap and stain your jeans.
But because your beard enamors me so, Ill always be your trusty helper, picking out and gently wiping away these little morsels as they fall. You will probably be embarrassed the first time I do this, but also find it endearing. The things your beard gets me to do. Youll feel the same about me brushing your beard, which Ill find to be a calming experience.
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